Supranormal Paul

12th February 2012

Post with 2 notes

Confession - love (Advice)

Today at church was lovely, around all of my friends it was bliss. They are amazing. I loved the music, singing along, the flow, the feeling, the music a gateway to our souls and most of all a line I love so much that makes my entire being shiver:

I found a Love, Greater than life itself - Beautiful, I meant that in every way possible them words just breach areas in my heart that brings a radiant smile from me. I loved today`s talk, it was concerning and true and I realized I invest most of my money on books, training and Nutrition. I am bit of an expert if I do say so myself - I do and it has benefited me. I love it and something about today`s talk made me question University.

Today in Starbuck`s I opened or I should say reopened a chapter in my life about my past, I do not know why but I feel that I have to tell people about life, honesty, motivate and inspire. I have a power… No a duty to fight for life, to excel, for people to be happy and be a voice for the voiceless. It was nice talking about the past again though it did not phrase me as there is a light in the darknest for a heart that will go on. 

Moving on….

You may not know this but there is a secret smile I have but you can`t see it, it is when I am not around you, a smile that says “Damn it I am so happy”, “I am so happy to know her” and off course let your heart shine through your smile and this is what it is - My heart smiling, total medicine to my heart. The more I am spending time with her the more I feel closer to her, the happier I feel, the more I smile, the more power to strive but most of all to feel alive. 

Your eyes are beautiful, your smile is too, everything about you is beautiful, your heart is so true and it fills me with endless sensations. You`re everything that makes my heart falls in love. 

Here I am, scared… Who me? I know right! - I am a fear hunter but this is my biggest obstacle and she means every little thing to me. I was asked why do I fear this or scared. Truth is I have a broken heart and even writing this it brings a few tears to my heart. Somehow she makes my heart strong and I hope, from the depths of my heart that I make you happy, and not act of God will keep this feeling from me, because you are perfect for me. However, journeying this path and this Christian one i might mention has been fruitful and motivates me.

Last night out dancing in a night club, I got a phone number and I replied ” Sorry I am a christian” - Her reply “Oh I see…” - Loved it and my friend thinks I am the only one that loves saying it which detracts women. I am a christian for many reasons and I wear a bade as it is the only protection for my heart as I have tried everything however this seems a defiant solution. My heart has decided on what it wants, clubs are fun but sleazy people and people just want go with each other is fun too. However, it is not for me and when I kiss someone I want it to mean something like a signature or the language of my heart.

 I am praying we will end up together, but I am praying for the courage to give me the strength to not let the past to haunt me, I am crawling on my hands and knees, but I am still moving forward, I am fighting and it does not seem that heaven seems far away anymore. Slowly but surely I will get there, because who say I fear if my god is beside me. I am a little emotional writing this, my heart feels vulnerable. - However I am not willing to let go because I will never know. I am not going to give up on what I been wishing for. I am asking for this test, my God would not give me something I could not handle. I will fall down but through heaven or hell I will find away around my obstacles because I am not going to lose what I have never found it is out there!

I am a sinner but every sinner has a future, I am alright and I do not mind because I have a future, I have walked through a treacherous path looking for a sign, a sign of what? what could it be, I know what it is! It has always been there it was called hope, it been reflecting through my heart onto me when what was left of me, in my friends faces and hearts, the church I belong to, my life - It was always hope it has been beside me there to hug me and always whisper “Give it a try, don`t give up” - 

I am looking at my life, and realizing that I have been so blind, there has always been hope in my heart. I am what you see, I am not what they say or who they say what I am because that is not who I am. Your heart develops trust in my heart and I am everything what I say. I live for integrity, trust and love. Oh God I live for love, I been so hurt, so shattered but I get up, I always get up and I learn from the years of my life and how hurt my heart has been that we are stronger than we know. You give me that strength in mass quantities.

I believe it you, your heart, your soul, your heart, you drive me crazy, you are everything I need, someone like you burning through me, consume me, fill me, love me, make my thoughts submit to your love, your passion – your endless adventurous cute heart.

I have kept my open but the captain is not my mind looking out of my eyes it is my heart and it has found shore. The turning of the tide has finally came, I am lost and always have been but when I look at you I am found but now I fear where I am, is this true, can it be? Is this love or is it another broken heart that will hunt me. God please, you know my heart, my sins, my hardships and the things I find so hard to let go of, but you say to me now “You are enough, She is enough”. So here I am my heart is now set into motion.

I am scared that I will never see of find this. It will haunt me if I let fear win this time and I never see her again, her brightening face. She always makes a first impression each time I see her; she makes my heart cry and surrender itself. It won`t stop there and I have lost my place; I am in a territory I do not know. However, the first time I feel God is close behind and I cannot help but fight the tears of my writing this as the doubt is telling me not to write but I must. I must!

I do not want to hurt her because it will destroy me. – I am going to sneak up to her house and leave flowers but now I feel I should wait outside her house in a suit and flowers. Get her sister to text her to come outside and ask her out. I am scared of this but I want God in my life for this and I do not know.

Please post up tumblr people what you think I should do? 

Tagged: LoveChristianHappinessSuccessLifeRomanticMeFunadvicehelpheart